Blue...
I am so down in the dumps!! I want to get it out and on record, and this may be a good place to do it, because my main blog is fixed and everybody stops there. I Hope.
I have been on the verge of tears all day. Might be from lack of sleep. The wind was gusting around 45-50 MPH last night, and kept me awake. I saw 630 on the clock and fell asleep, woke up at 1030. so 4 hours of sleep. Not nearly enough.
We are on 22 solid days of rain, with another 11 in the forecast. We are just drenched, and the clouds are hanging really low and thick and gray. Depressing!
I also am so saddened by the fact that I once again did not get voted onto the Board of DIrectors at the playhouse. I think I am going to hang up my hat. I hate to do this, because I get such pleasure out of it, but I can only take so many clues that I am no longer needed nor am I wanted. SO I guess I do one more show for Dottie, and then back away until someone asks me again. This has really hurt me. Hurt me Bad! I thought I had some really good friends there, but obviously not. I am not getting called to work anymore either, so I guess I am through there. I never got paid for the last time I worked either, ah well, Chalk it up to experience. Maybe I can find something to do down at WICA. or maybe I should just lock my doors and stay inside the house for while.
Get my nest in order, and finish projects. Lord knows I have enough of them started and left unfinished.
I will be 60 in 2 more days, and I am feeling that too. My sister keeps making fun of it, but it really really bothers me that the only goal I have left in my life is to die. I am not ready to. But I will get these things finished and by that time maybe the sun will be out again and I can take a long drive with my camera.
I dont make friends easily, and I dont have a really good friend that I can talk to at any hour of the day or night. I miss that. Someone I can call and will just listen to me cry. Someone who wont judge, or offer advice unless I ask. I miss working. It is almost 3 years now since I retired,. 2 more years and then I can go back to work part time. I plan on going to the Navy Lodge and working the night and weekend shift. But I am restricted for 2 more years because I chose the buy out. ok. I can wait.
maybe I need a kitten or a puppy. SOmething to cuddle.
I have been on the verge of tears all day. Might be from lack of sleep. The wind was gusting around 45-50 MPH last night, and kept me awake. I saw 630 on the clock and fell asleep, woke up at 1030. so 4 hours of sleep. Not nearly enough.
We are on 22 solid days of rain, with another 11 in the forecast. We are just drenched, and the clouds are hanging really low and thick and gray. Depressing!
I also am so saddened by the fact that I once again did not get voted onto the Board of DIrectors at the playhouse. I think I am going to hang up my hat. I hate to do this, because I get such pleasure out of it, but I can only take so many clues that I am no longer needed nor am I wanted. SO I guess I do one more show for Dottie, and then back away until someone asks me again. This has really hurt me. Hurt me Bad! I thought I had some really good friends there, but obviously not. I am not getting called to work anymore either, so I guess I am through there. I never got paid for the last time I worked either, ah well, Chalk it up to experience. Maybe I can find something to do down at WICA. or maybe I should just lock my doors and stay inside the house for while.
Get my nest in order, and finish projects. Lord knows I have enough of them started and left unfinished.
I will be 60 in 2 more days, and I am feeling that too. My sister keeps making fun of it, but it really really bothers me that the only goal I have left in my life is to die. I am not ready to. But I will get these things finished and by that time maybe the sun will be out again and I can take a long drive with my camera.
I dont make friends easily, and I dont have a really good friend that I can talk to at any hour of the day or night. I miss that. Someone I can call and will just listen to me cry. Someone who wont judge, or offer advice unless I ask. I miss working. It is almost 3 years now since I retired,. 2 more years and then I can go back to work part time. I plan on going to the Navy Lodge and working the night and weekend shift. But I am restricted for 2 more years because I chose the buy out. ok. I can wait.
maybe I need a kitten or a puppy. SOmething to cuddle.
posted by Mary Lou @ 6:46 PM
8 Comments:
At 11:54 PM,
Anonymous said…
Oh Mary Lou, I'm so sorry. You have so many things happening (or not happening) all at the same time, and the depressing, gray weather doesn't help matters any. I understand the "lost" feeling. Please know that you can cry me an email any time you need to! I understand blue, and I understand the need to get it out without being judged or "fixed". I'm here, if you need me. (((comforting hugs)))
At 4:53 AM,
ellen said…
It makes me sad that you are so down. You're such a warm, giving and vibrant person, that it just doesn't make sense that you should be excluded by anyone. I'm sure the weather isn't helping you, either. We've had very mild temps which is nice, but the sun has been out only once in more than two weeks, which is causing a lot of people to be depressed.
I hope you find a rainbow really soon; people in the blogisphere love you, Mary Lou, and I'm one of em. God bless.
At 2:10 PM,
Mary Lou said…
EEPS!!! I didnt know anyone still came here. Im sorry I rained on you!! I will try to be better,.
At 4:48 AM,
Anonymous said…
Ah Mary Lou, forget about those "other" people and relish the fact you are so loved out here in the blogging world. We may only be able to wrap our arms around you virtually, but you can bet your knickers, those hugs would melt a glacier.
I'm sorry you feel down & blue just days before your birthday, and a milestone birthday at that. Here's hoping today (Wednesday) your birthday, finds you in the company of family, friends and lots and lots of happiness.
Love you Mary Lou (((hugs))) Happy Birthday!
xoxoxo
At 10:32 AM,
Anonymous said…
So sorry to know that you're feeling blue. I missed this yesterday. There are some disappointments that really hurt. It's hard to feel a purpose when you live alone and you think no one cares if you get up early or late or fix a meal or not. But don't give in to feelings. I know it doesn't help that the weather has been so dreary. You'll surely feel better when the sun is shinging again. It's hard to understand how the voters didn't realize how much it means to you to be a worker for them. Their loss. You'll find some other thing to keep your attention.
And Happy Birthday. I wish I could invite you to dinner. NJ
At 11:41 AM,
Anonymous said…
CJ sent me over! Happy Birthday :)
I'm sorry you are feeling a bit low. 22 days of rain...THAT is depressing! Having a furry friend does make all the difference in the world...I have one and love him to death! When I"m having a bad day, I just look at his cute face and it brings a smile to my face.
Take Care :)
At 2:28 PM,
Tabor said…
I have visited your blog for the first time today. I, too, am getting the feeling that they are phasing me out of my job. The people that I work with in my immediate program still can use me, but the people who determine the budget have pretty much removed any reason to send me a budget. I know how you feel, but, dammit, no one is going to determine how I feel. They may not think I have value or important talents, but I KNOW I do. I am sure you are the same way. Hang in there, sun is coming.
At 1:49 PM,
Mary Lou said…
ok, I dont live here any more. This is just my vacation cabin...I really live over at www.whidbeydreamer.blogspot.com
come visit me there.
Post a Comment
<< Home